IT'S ALL IN THE GAME
E-mail this page 
Printer-friendly page
We're kidding around, verbally sparring, as we're prone to do, and suddenly there's a stupid misunderstanding. Susan snaps at me. I snap back. More words fly and the conflict heats up. Finally she slams down her drink, stands up and, since it's damp outside, grabs my sweater and storms out of the door, leaving me frustrated and angry. See, I was expecting a cozy, intimate evening. As she rushes out, I'm tempted to scream some profanity--it's not the first time this has happened--but she's already halfway down the stairs. Besides, it wouldn't do any good. She always gets the last word. So, I slam the door, take a deep breath and try to compose myself.
Sound familiar? Of course, we've all had these momentary hotheaded flare-ups, whether it's with a girlfriend, an old buddy, a stranger on the street, the wife, or the boss. The problem is that they can get out of hand when no one is willing to back down and chill, and take a conciliatory approach.
I know that several years ago I would have followed my friend out to the parking lot, got in her face and given her a piece of my mind. Not a good idea, since the whole thing would only have escalated. Besides, as a wise man once told me, you can't give away too many pieces of your mind before you start noticing the loss.
The thing is, a few years back, I discovered a way to cope with the situation. I started turning to games. Not those violent, surrealistic video games where you get off by annihilating a bunch of aliens, smashing innocent people's heads in or, can you believe it, ripping someone off and outrunning the police. And I'm not talking about gambling, either. No, I'm talking about more traditional contests--crossword puzzles, computer chess or no-stakes poker, card games like solitaire, or, if some friends are available, a good game of Monopoly, hearts, Scrabble, bridge, whist or pinochle. They not only improve your mood but are a form of alternative medicine.
JUST A GAME?
The phrase "just a game" is a masterpiece of cognitive dissonance. Games are anything but "just" anything. They cover the gamut of human endeavor and come in every package and medium you can imagine. Last year in the United States alone, 126 million board-style games were sold for $1.14 billion; video and computer games accounted for another $5 billion. It is impossible to calculate how much people benefit from games:
* Games are primers on turn-taking, the basis of all relationships.
* They can solve major crises in industry and teach people not to pilfer pencils from the company storeroom; in fact, companies spend hundreds of millions of dollars a year on them for that.
* They can be training grounds for legendary generals and make the difference between winning and losing wars.
* Finally, and most important, games can reopen doors into the world of pretending and childhood, reminding us of unadulterated fun, sparking creativity
* Psychologically speaking, games have a knack for setting us free.
It's a wonderful way to exorcise your inner demons, get some of the residual anger out of your system and calm down. It doesn't matter much if you win or lose (although I'm a pretty serious competitor and losing only makes me want to give it another shot); the trick is to get into it deeply enough so that you lose yourself in the challenge, vent your aggressiveness. In a way, it's an escape, but it's also great fun and has many health advantages.
I recently learned that some psychologists call it "Play Therapy" and many point out that it’s a helpful tool in "stress-balancing." Games, it seems, free us of the everyday stress of conforming to roles that our jobs, our friends and partners expect or want us to fulfill. They give us an "alter-ego" into which we can escape for a time. Ironically, they allow us to be ourselves with far less risk and much more freedom. According to a Psychology Today article, they do this by "providing a stress-reduced settings for socializing and acting out"; that "arbitrary structure or protocol removes the often-paralyzing onus" of real-life social interaction from the player or players.
The experts also say that because games are "stigma-negative" and "insight-positive," they allow people to present elements of personality that reveal who they really are. "The idea was remarkable," one therapist writes. "Twenty-five bucks and a Monopoly game might tell people as much about their own emotional truths as 25 hours on the couch, or 25 volumes of Shakespeare."
I'm not sure, but there might be something to that. I've played bridge with a few friends who, in real life are generally meek and quiet as mice, but once the cards are dealt they're transformed into loud-mouthed holy terrors. And, after spending an evening playing backgammon or Scrabble with a few past girl friends, I've been surprised by their true combative natures. Still, for me, the real value of playing games is that it provides a retreat where I can release my own aggressiveness and competitive instincts. When I'm finished playing (particularly if I've won), there's generally a since of calm and most real-world troubles or problems seem to have faded away. That was certainly the case on the night of my argument with Susan.
When she left that night, I went to my computer. After a few games of chess and a glass of merlot, I had calmed down and regained my composure. I didn't have a contentious bone in my body. The whole thing suddenly seemed silly. I called and apologized--no use battling the inevitable; it was a trivial dispute and, with Susan, arguing would only have upped the ante. She was right all along, I swore. I should have known better. It took about a half hour of conciliatory chatter before she relented. Soon, we were laughing and the entire incident was forgotten. The best part was that she invited me over to her place that night. Oh yes, I took a fresh bottle of merlot with me.
So, for fun as well as your own peace of mind--as they say at the Olympics, let the games begin!
It works for me.
E-mail this page Printer-friendly page
Copyright 2008 Soul Vibrations, Inc. All rights reserved.
i
More Good Stuff
